We’re sitting opposite each other on the train.
You’re facing home, so as we rush away from it
it’s as though you’re being pushed backwards by some incredible force:
a tornado wind or a sorcerer’s curse.
And even though we’re only ever a table width apart,
I can almost feel the distance between us widening.
It’s as though-
No.
I don’t want to remember this in as thoughs.
We’re sitting opposite each other on the train
and you’ve got your hands in your lap
and you’re listening to music with one headphone out
and you’re slouching so under the table your long legs rest between mine
and I can feel your foot tapping out of time
with the chug of the carriages
and your eyes are distant like-
No.
Your eyes are distant-
No.
Your eyes are blue and grey.
(With a faint rim where your contacts end.)
We’re sitting opposite each other on the train
and your hair is standing on end from the static of the seat.
Your jumper is woolly green and there’s a little hole at the sleeve
and you’re wearing the jeans I helped you choose
from the charity shop where I volunteer
three days a week.
You were pleased to hear I was doing that.
Made you know I was on the right track –
you did the same two years back.
and now look where you’re going.
See I’m always a few steps behind
but it’s nice because I’ve got someone to follow.
It’s like…
Nevermind.
We’re sitting opposite each other on the train
and you’ve opened the maths textbook you need to read
for your first term
and I’m counting how many stations we’re passing
and I’m trying to learn the expanse of land beyond the glass
so it can feel smaller.
You’re frowning in concentration.
I used to call your eyebrows caterpillars.
I remember you doing puzzles
while I drew pictures of them wriggling on your face.
I remember-
No.
It’s so tempting to stitch the separation with similes
and mask the misery in metaphors and old memories
but in this moment I want to feel everything
not fictionalise with likes and as thoughs.
You haven’t heard of Stein but I’m sure you’d agree
a rose is a rose is a rose
and this is a goodbye.
